The Beautiful Also Cry

03 Oct The Beautiful Also Cry

Ruth is a stunning beauty, like a computer creation of perfection. A widely travelled journalist, she had heard so much about her beauty that it mattered no more to her.

But when she was told that she was enjoying many benefits because of her beauty, she paused to think. Then she responded slowly, “ Beautiful women also cry or even cry more.” She refused to explain why.

Experts say although beautiful women enjoy many benefits that others do not, this of course, comes with a cost.

Dr Aaron Ben-Zeév, a professor of philosophy and former President of the University of Haifa, who is also an author, has written extensively about this subject.

Writing for Psychology Today, he noted although most would argue that “what is beautiful isn’t necessarily good,” preferential treatment of beautiful people is easy to find, as is discrimination against the unattractive. Beautiful people are treated better and viewed more positively: they find sexual partners more easily, are more likely to be treated leniently in court, and are more able to elicit cooperation from strangers. Conversely, physical unattractiveness leads to major social disadvantages and discrimination  In light of this, there has been a cry for “equality for uglies.”

Pitfalls of beauty in relationships 

In the context of close relationships, beauty or physical attractiveness consistently emerge as a highly desirable trait of ideal partners. However, beauty is a two-edged sword: It is a gift that bites. In addition to benefits, there are several disadvantages for beautiful people in relationships, including:

* Brief duration:  External appearance plays a major role at the beginning of any relationship but its value fades with time. Time is a thief of beauty (and sexual desire). First impressions of external appearance tend toward the extreme: The new person is often viewed as either strikingly beautiful or strikingly ugly. However, as the rose-tinted spectacles fade, our impressions begin to moderate, and the very same beautiful individual may be perceived as less handsome, and the ugly one as less ugly.

* Envy-related hostility:  Envy, which is based on the feeling of underserved inferiority, is likely to be generated toward beautiful people. Arguably, they put less attractive people in an inferior position and the benefits bestowed upon them are indeed undeserved.

* Lesser commitment:  Christine Ma-Kellams and colleagues show that beautiful individuals are often tempted by alternative romantic choices, resulting in poor relationship satisfaction and more romantic breakups. A physically attractive person may be targeted more often, in turn making them more likely to respond favorably to appealing alternatives.

Beauty as a factor in choosing a partner

There is robust evidence that attractiveness has a positive impact on new relationships. However, concerning enduring relationships, such as marriages, the impact is more complex. It has been found that both spouses behave more positively in relationships in which wives are more attractive than their husbands, but behave more negatively in relationships in which husbands are more attractive than their wives

Physical attractiveness of husbands is less important to most women; wives are rather looking for supportive husbands. Husbands seem to be more committed and more invested in pleasing their wives when they feel that they are getting a pretty good deal. Women, on the other hand, feel more stressed and unhappy if they have an attractive husband. A major reason for this difference is that men place greater value on beauty (McNulty et al, 2008).

Too beautiful to find love?

The difficulties of beautiful people finding love stem from both prospective partners and their own attitudes. The stunning beauty of a person is a great obstacle to properly knowing them and realizing the extent to which they are suitable for us. Hence, there are various biases concerning these people, especially when they are women. These biases are expressed in sayings such as, “She is beautiful and dumb,” or, “You are too pretty to be smart.” Moreover, many suitable people may be intimidated by such beautiful people who are seen as unapproachable.

The difficulties of finding a suitable match for beautiful people also stem from their own attitudes. Often, they are aware of their great attractiveness and accordingly, are less willing to settle on a ‘good enough’ partner, believing they have a lot of other, probably better, options. Hence, they may become too picky, overlooking suitable options and focusing on unsuitable ones. Moreover, after a partner is secured and a romantic bond is established, beautiful people are very likely to be less committed, believing they are entitled to invest less in enhancing the romantic bond, deserving a privileged status in the relationship.

The impact of beauty is more than skin deep. This is bad news for romantic relationships, as it may harm both beautiful people and those interacting with them. Attractive individuals enjoy great benefits but an enduring romantic relationship may not be one of them. Beauty may be a marvelous soundtrack to a romantic relationship, but if the music is not supplemented by loving and considerate, committed behavior, its value, if not negative, will remain merely in the aesthetic realm. Attractiveness is only one factor in generating profound romantic love. The most crucial step for lasting, loving relationships is developing an initial sexual attraction and a general desire to be with the partner for a significant duration.