Is your marriage a mistake?

23 May Is your marriage a mistake?

If about 50 percent of  people wish they had never ended their marriage, is there something that could have been done differently to avoid the crash?

Many people who cite loads of reasons to divorce, soon have second thoughts.  A survey, commissioned as part of the DVD release of The Love Punch in UK, 50 per cent of divorcees have regrets about their break-up, a study revealed. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 per cent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realising they miss or still love their ex-partner.

For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 per cent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again and 21 per cent of those still together now. Almost half of those even went as far as to say they are happier or stronger than they were before the divorce.

Many people get to this regrettable position from initial mistakes they make in their relationships. Most common is mistaking lust or infatuation for love. Both are not love, and could therefore not be foundation on which marriage should be based.

Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. A large physical attraction for an individual, that is sometimes uncontrollable and completely unreasonable.  It is often confused with love, but lust is not love if you don’t wish to do anything other than have sex with someone.

Infatuation is defined as an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Short-lived passion or admiration!

Some red flags on infatuation have been identified in dating by experts:

• The infatuation is the whole relationship. There is no depth or commonalities between you beyond the infatuation.
• You’re so caught up in the chemistry of initial attraction that you miss the red flags and their true personality.
• You’re crazy about them while knowing full well that the person is bad for you.
• You’re committed but not fully committed because you think about others and wonder about greener grass.
• You know at some level that you are wasting your time with this person that you would never otherwise have a long term relationship with.

And the following, according to Lucinda Loveland are some big lies about love. So interesting the way she presents them.

That “Happily Ever After” Exists. Romantic movies and heart-warming stories filled with idealistic endings show fictional characters up to the point where they embark on the trail to “happily ever after”. People are left believing that the couples they watch in film had an amazing future well after the films ended. The realities of making a marriage healthy and happy is hardly portrayed in films, TV shows or romance novels.

That the Secret to a Happy Marriage is Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right.  People think that the secret to a great marriage is finding the perfect life mate. But this assumes that you know all the characteristics necessary to make someone “Mr. or Mrs. Right;”  that you can find “Mr. or Mrs. Right” in your twenties or thirties; that “Mr. or Mrs. Right” will think that you too are “Mr. or Mrs. Right;” and that they want to marry you.  Instead of searching for the ideal husband or wife, realize that that no one is a flawless human being.

That We Will Never Fight. Culturally, we’ve been taught that conflict is bad and should be avoided at all costs. However, there is no such thing as a relationship without conflict. Conflict is inevitable because a marriage is made up of two imperfect and at times, selfish people. Actually, worse than having disagreements as a couple is avoiding conflict altogether. It is just as unhealthy, if not more, than frequent conflict. The issue itself isn’t what deteriorates a relationship, but how the issue is dealt with. Learning how to manage conflict and using skills to resolve conflicts when they arise is vital for a healthy relationship.

Marriage experts suggest rather than rushing to declare a marriage a mistake, some level of perseverance could be useful. The National Organization for Marriage reported on its Facebook recently that, “In studies of 700 miserable, ready-to-split spouses, researchers found that 2/3 of those who stayed married were happy five years later. They toughed out some of the most difficult problems a couple could face… What was their strategy? A mix of stubborn commitment, a willingness to work together on issues, and a healthy lowering of expectations.”

Every couple has irreconcilable differences. But those marriages that go the distance are those who know they are imperfect couples, who make it work and enjoy their differences together.

This is not to suggest that there are no justifiable reasons for divorce or that everybody or situation is capable of changing. There are really some write-off cases but you only know after some level of perseverance and hard work.

As they say, marriage is not easy! This is not to suggest that there are no justifiable reasons for divorce or that everybody or situation is capable of changing. There are really some write-off cases but you only know after some level of perseverance and hard work.

As they say, marriage is not easy. It requires prayers and hard work from the choice of a partner till parting in death!