Bonding and why women cheat

03 Jan Bonding and why women cheat

Women don’t  like just sex like most men do. Women are usually interested in sex that includes (or at least hints at) some sort of emotional or relationship connection.

Various studies confirm this. They show that even when a woman is pressed, she is most likely to go for a man with whom she has some emotional bond. Studies also show that women are pushed into looking elsewhere when the emotional bond at home diminishes.

But even in that case, women tend to seek and place a premium on a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness with their sexual partners.

Experts explain that the female  orgasm is less reliably achieved than the male’s and the odds of enjoying casual and anonymous sex are lower for women. Thus, a woman who wants to increase her chances of enjoyment and minimize her chances of harm is better off getting to know her partner well before she gets to sex.

A study at Rutgers University found that of men and women actively cheating on their spouse, 34 percent of the women said they were “happily married” whereas 56 percent of males felt that way. Thus, we see that women are more likely than men to have an affair when they’re not bonded in their primary relationship (and therefore are seeking that bond elsewhere), while men are more likely than women to have an affair despite feeling close to their wife.

Another study conducted by Undercover Lovers, a UK-based extramarital dating site. Among women who stated that they were actively cheating, 57 percent reported feeling love for their affair partner, while only 27 percent of the men said they felt love for their mistress. This type of information furthers the conclusion that women who cheat are much more likely than men to be seeking an emotional bond, and that they may in fact feel such a bond even if their affair partner does not.

So why should the women seek emotional bond, away from home? Below are some other common reasons.

Lack of Intimacy at Home: Even if a woman is getting enough actual sex, that sex may not be fulfilling her desire for emotional connection. The simple truth is women, much more so than men, feel connected and valued through non-sexual emotional interactions such as gift-giving, being remembered, and talking. If these things are not happening at home, they may seek a connection elsewhere.

Loneliness and Neglect: Sometimes women feel more like a nanny, maid, mother, or financial provider than a wife or girlfriend. They may use sex outside the relationship as a way to fill the emotional void.

Sex and/or Love Addiction: Some women engage in a never-ending stream of sex and romance as a way to self-regulate (not feel) uncomfortable emotions and the pain of underlying psychological conditions such as depression, severe anxiety, low self-esteem, and unresolved childhood trauma (often sexual in nature).

Lack of Sex at Home: As mentioned earlier, women are sexual creatures. They usually enjoy the physical act of lovemaking as much as men do, and they also enjoy the feeling of being wanted, needed, and desired. Sometimes women are much more sexual than their partner. If so, this can be problematic. Rather than end the relationship, they may seek a little sex on the side as a way to meet their physical needs.

Low Self-Esteem: Women with low self-esteem, depression, unresolved childhood trauma, and other similar issues may seek validation through romantic and sexual activity. If someone wants them in “that way,” they feel worthwhile, desirable, wanted, needed, and loveable.

Revenge: Sometimes women feel betrayed by their partner (usually either financially or sexually), and they use infidelity as a way to retaliate. Typically, women seeking revenge are not secretive about what they are doing.

Lack of Sizzle: Some women miss the exhilaration of meeting, flirting, dating, and forming new relationships. They find their ongoing, stable partnership boring so they chase the emotional high of finding and bonding with someone new.

Lack of Female Social Support: A big part of healthy womanhood involves supportive female friendships and a sense of female community. Some women, especially those who experienced maternal abuse or neglect, undervalue this while concurrently overvaluing the attention of men. This can lead to infidelity.

Wanting to Leave a Relationship: Some women find it easier to cheat, forcing their current partner to end the relationship, rather than ending it more directly or assertively. Other women know they want to leave, but they are not willing to do so until they’ve got another relationship lined up.

Unrealistic Expectations: Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire (even when they don’t bother to share what those needs and desires are). When their partner inevitably fails them, these narcissistic women will sometimes turn to someone else.